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To endure or leave? What if a man does not allow to develop

You dream of learning a foreign language, and your spouse lazily notes that you are still not going to go to the country in the near future, where they say. You enroll in financing management courses or time management, and your chosen one shouts that you can not lower the family budget for “nonsense”. What to do if a man does not support your desire to develop? We asked Anna of the All -Sobeskaya, an expert on personal growth.

First of all, try to honestly admit to yourself: why do you need a relationship? Why do you have a family and marriage? What exactly unites you and, like cement, holds your union? Depending on the chosen option, it will be possible to outline a strategy for behavior in a situation where a husband prevents your growth and moving forward.

If you reflect globally, then the three main reasons affect people’s solution to crucify: safety, pleasure, development. Consider each of the reasons in more detail.


He provides you financially and gives a reinforced concrete feeling of stability and support. In this case, your desire to develop goes into the background, because safety and development are incompatible things.

Development is always a step into the unknown, jump from the comfort zone. Development is either an opportunity to find something new, or a huge risk of losing everything. And if a person is fixated on safety and ensuring comfort, he will in every way resist the development.

Therefore, I will have to choose what is more important for you: to live at rest and stability or look for yourself, not knowing exactly what the result will be.



You had fun, spent a great time and did not have any special claims to each other, however, as well as plans for the future. And if suddenly a problem arose: “My husband does not understand me and does not approve of the desire to develop,” it is worth considering: was there anything but the desire to live in eternal pleasure? Were there common values and aspirations?

Development is often associated with pain, reformatting your habits, redrawing oneself, and it is not always pleasant. That is why true hedonists are not large fans of “this self -development of yours”. Why doom yourself to difficulties and inner pain, when you can just enjoy life?

If your chosen one is like this, try to explain to him that one course or a meeting with like -minded people will not affect your relationship in any way. A man opposes your growth because he is afraid to lose what has.

Show him that your personal development does not threaten feelings, but, on the contrary, can revive them and strengthen them. But if these arguments do not work, just accept the fact that a man owes you nothing, and choose how to live further: continue to enjoy him or look for his path.


This option does not exclude that you enjoy every day and feel that the world is safe for you. In this case, the partner is unlikely to speak out against your desire to develop. People with the value of development understand the need of others for internal searches and sacredly honor it.

However, if dissatisfaction slips in the dialogue what you do, it is worth talking and explaining to the man why it is important for you to develop in a particular field, why do you need new knowledge and skills and how it should help you in life.

But whatever the type of your relationship, if you understand that the partner consciously slows down your growth, you will have to independently decide what is more important to you: what your husband gives you, or what you can achieve yourself.

I always advocate for a compromise, so that people look for ways to preserve my family and relationships. But practice shows that a woman, having embarked on the path of self -development, begins to better understand herself, earn more, discover new opportunities and she becomes boring next to a man who is stomping on the spot. And then the couple, most likely, will break up.

Stay with a partner who interferes with development, or leave? The choice is yours. Weigh all the pros and cons, discuss the problem, try to clearly explain your position and only then make a conscious decision.

But I insist that you defend your right to self -development and do not advance on your throat in the name of family idyll. Because the unfortunate woman poisons the life of her loved ones. And, on the contrary, a woman who lives brightly, saturatedly, in accordance with herself, inspires others to develop too.



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